Ever since Abercrombie & Fitch returned to Faneuil Hall, I'm transported back to junior high dances each time I exit through the back of our building. Our 7th and 8th grade dances were held each month in the gymnasium and were the social events of the year. Although there were no stated dress codes for these dances, both the boys and the girls all showed up wearing variations of the same outfit: Umbro shorts and t-shirts, which were preferably Umbro as well (although, Hypercolor and tie-dyed Grateful Dead t-shirts were acceptable.) Girls broke out their most colorful scrunchies and guys doused themselves in Drakkar Noir cologne. Drakkar does not gently insinuate masculinity; it's more like a strong testosterone-fueled punch in the face.
Umbro brand sportswear is no longer the benchmark of cool for middle schoolers, and neither is Drakkar Noir; however, it must still make tween girls swoon, because it's simply been replaced by Abercrombie & Fitch's FIERCE. The product description states: [the] scent is an immediate attention getter and rightly so. A&F pump this scent throughout their retail space, which results in a FIERCE noxious cloud that hovers within 20 feet of the store's entrance. Suddenly I have Rob Base's "Joy and Pain" in my head and I'm thirsty for a warm cup of orange punch.