I've been commuting to Framingham for my new job for about three weeks now, and I realized there are three kinds of commuters:
1. Those with Fast Lane transponders
2. Stunods. (Those who commute everyday, yet for some reason, do not have a Fast Lane transponder.)
3. A$$holes. (Those who commute everyday, don't have Fast Lane, yet drive in the Fast Lane line until the very last second and then try and cut in the front of the Tickets Only line.)
This morning I was driving behind what I would now classify as a #3, if I had to guess what this lady chooses to do. The rusty mint green Toyota was going about 50 mph and I was about to signal into the left lane to pass her, when I noticed her flick a lit butt out the window and speed up a bit. Then after about 30 seconds, her car began to swerve as I noticed both of her hands were off the wheel and up around her head. This stopped after a minute, but then they were right back up in her hair again and she was swerving.
At this point I decided I needed to get out from behind this crazy person, and got in the left lane. As I passed her on the left, I took a quick glance and realized that her hands were off the wheel and she was swerving because she was rolling her hair in giant curlers! As Mr. Bean demonstrated in the episode where he tries to save time by getting dressed and brushing his teeth in the car on the way to the dentist, multi-tasking while driving is pretty dumb and selfish.
Showing posts with label yikes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label yikes. Show all posts
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Dumb and Dumber
This morning after grabbing my Dunkin' Iced Coffee, I waved to our building security woman and walked up to the elevator keypad.
For some reason the button wouldn't light up to signal the elevator was coming down to the lobby. Only after about a minute of frustration did I realize I was trying to call the elevator by holding my building security pass in front of the button and waiting for it to light... Amazingly, my frustration ended when I took the more conventional route of pushing it.
This is quite possibly even worse than the time my husband and I went to Lucca in the Back Bay right before Lexi was born. After perusing the menu, I looked at Nick and said, "Well, I think I'm going to have the 10 and 22." Confused, he asked what the hell I was talking about.
"Isn't your menu numbered?" I asked as I pointed to the salad and pasta dishes I wanted to order. Nick looked at me, and realizing his wife's I.Q. had dropped numerous points over the previous nine months, sadly told me, "Those are the prices!"
For some reason the button wouldn't light up to signal the elevator was coming down to the lobby. Only after about a minute of frustration did I realize I was trying to call the elevator by holding my building security pass in front of the button and waiting for it to light... Amazingly, my frustration ended when I took the more conventional route of pushing it.
This is quite possibly even worse than the time my husband and I went to Lucca in the Back Bay right before Lexi was born. After perusing the menu, I looked at Nick and said, "Well, I think I'm going to have the 10 and 22." Confused, he asked what the hell I was talking about.
"Isn't your menu numbered?" I asked as I pointed to the salad and pasta dishes I wanted to order. Nick looked at me, and realizing his wife's I.Q. had dropped numerous points over the previous nine months, sadly told me, "Those are the prices!"
Friday, February 18, 2011
I'd Really Be Worried If I Had Found Discarded Black Knee Socks...
These items were strewn across our neighbor's doormat at 7:00 AM this morning...
Dollar bill, Blackberry, Parliaments... oh my!
One flight down, I catch these bad boys in the stairwell
One flight down, I catch these bad boys in the stairwell
Looks like her Grandfather had a wild night!
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Robots Have Feelings Too
For the past couple of weeks, I've had daily calls from either Brown or Coakley's campaign hassling me to vote for their candidate. These calls have gotten to be pretty annoying and even though I wouldn't pick up the phone when an unidentified number appeared on caller ID, I'd still have to listen to them as they left voice mails.
Yesterday, as I walked in the early morning down Broadway to Dorchester Street on my way to vote, even the candidate I was voting for had ticked me off in the end because I was so sick of the calls, the radio ads, the TV commercials, etc. Casting my vote, signified an end to being hassled by pleading recorded voices.
Last night, around 6:45 or so, the phone rang and I picked up without bothering to check the caller ID.
"Hello?" It was another recorded message! I heard the following being rattled off quickly by some robotic voice:
I am just calling to remind you that today is Election Day and the polls are open until 8 PM.
"F*ck off!" I yelled into the phone and was about to hang up when I heard the recorded voice stop and say, "uh, excuse me?"
Whoops.
Yesterday, as I walked in the early morning down Broadway to Dorchester Street on my way to vote, even the candidate I was voting for had ticked me off in the end because I was so sick of the calls, the radio ads, the TV commercials, etc. Casting my vote, signified an end to being hassled by pleading recorded voices.
Last night, around 6:45 or so, the phone rang and I picked up without bothering to check the caller ID.
"Hello?" It was another recorded message! I heard the following being rattled off quickly by some robotic voice:
I am just calling to remind you that today is Election Day and the polls are open until 8 PM.
"F*ck off!" I yelled into the phone and was about to hang up when I heard the recorded voice stop and say, "uh, excuse me?"
Whoops.
Monday, August 17, 2009
When You Hear the Word 'Heiny'
Do you think of the color green, or a rear end?
I have to go with the latter; however, the folks at JanSport disagree.
My company is putting together back-to-school supplies for The Home for Little Wanderers, and associates can help by purchasing specific items requested by The Home. My request slip asks that I purchase a green JanSport backpack. I figured a green backpack would be simple enough, but this request is proving more difficult than I thought.
I expected JanSport to offer packs in the ROYGBIV variety, with a couple of "rose" and "turquoise" colors thrown in for good measure. I didn't expect a list that included Blue Paisley Skull and Fiji Orange, but not green. There's not even a hunter green or an emerald. The closest I can find is something called heiny.
Not to make a stink, but isn't heiny a polite word for butt? And if heiny were a color, I'd at least expect it to resemble something that could be a skin tone that wasn't found on Mars.
Should I buy this pack? I think it might be too green, but I'm having trouble locating a more subtle shade of the JanSport variety.
This is one tough case to crack.
I have to go with the latter; however, the folks at JanSport disagree.
My company is putting together back-to-school supplies for The Home for Little Wanderers, and associates can help by purchasing specific items requested by The Home. My request slip asks that I purchase a green JanSport backpack. I figured a green backpack would be simple enough, but this request is proving more difficult than I thought.
I expected JanSport to offer packs in the ROYGBIV variety, with a couple of "rose" and "turquoise" colors thrown in for good measure. I didn't expect a list that included Blue Paisley Skull and Fiji Orange, but not green. There's not even a hunter green or an emerald. The closest I can find is something called heiny.
heh... heh... you said, Heiny...
Not to make a stink, but isn't heiny a polite word for butt? And if heiny were a color, I'd at least expect it to resemble something that could be a skin tone that wasn't found on Mars.
Should I buy this pack? I think it might be too green, but I'm having trouble locating a more subtle shade of the JanSport variety.
This is one tough case to crack.
Friday, July 24, 2009
Lulu, little Lulu, With Freckles on Her Chin
When it comes to workout gear, I tend to look at the Macy's sales rack, Target, and Sierra Trading Post's Bargain Barn. I hate paying full price for workout clothing, except for footwear. Never skimp on running shoes or hiking boots; there, you've been warned. The problem is that I love to shop for workout clothing, and now that I've been attending yoga classes 3-4 times a week I have been exposed to a new wonderful world of colorful and comfortable athletic attire.
I had been admiring a certain high-end yoga inspired clothing line for awhile; however, I couldn't justify paying $90 for a pair of black stretchy pants. Then, a few weeks ago, I noticed that they were looking for part-time work, so I decided to apply. I figured between the store discount and other job perks (free classes) that it would be pretty great, as far as 2nd jobs go. I have worked at Dunkin Donuts, a bagel store, the HoneyBaked Ham Company store (for 1 day... that's another blog post), and about 20 English language schools, but never in retail, so I was mildly surprised when I received an email asking if I could come in for a group interview.
I had been wondering how many people would be in the interview, but there was just one other applicant; a woman in flowing scarves, beaded earrings & a canvas tote. At this point, having come dressed from my day job in a pencil skirt and blouse, I knew I was in trouble.
The store manager took us to a quiet part of the mall and explained that she had a list of questions she wanted to ask and that she hoped we would feel like we were simply getting to know each other. In the end, the more I got to know the other applicant, the more I wanted to strangle her with her thrifted scarf. The conversation went pretty much like this...
Manager (turning to me): So, how do you like to stay healthy?
Me: Well, try to walk as much as possible and not eat too much junk. Also, I exercise on a regular basis. Running, yoga, golf... that sort of thing.
2nd Applicant: Oh, well, my family owns an organic farm north of Boston and I spent a lot of time working on the land. It's a lot of sweat and hard work, but I love it! The farm, by the way, is also a CSA, which is just an incredible way to bring people together!
Manager (again, to me. Somehow, I went first every single time): We encourage our employees to set goals for themselves. Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
Me: Hmm, well, hopefully my family is healthy and happy. Possibly my husband and I will have a child or 2...
2nd Applicant: OK, so I am applying for a Fulbright and hope to eventually open a cultural center for disadvantaged Boston youth.
Me: Oh... a Fulbright! That's impressive!
2nd Applicant: How old are you?!
Me: Um, I'll be 30 in July.
2nd Applicant: Well, you're too old to apply for one... but it is an excellent opportunity to do some good in the world.
Manager: What was the last book you read?
Me: The 2nd Harry Potter book... I'm re-reading the series.
2nd Applicant: I just finished reading a book written by one of the first female Buddhist monks. It's incredibly fascinating.
Manager: We hope all of our employees are open to giving and receiving feedback. What was the last feedback you received?
At this point, I decided to go for broke.
Me: During yoga class today, while I was in Cobra, my teacher told me to relax my buttocks.
(beat)
2nd Applicant: Hmmm, well last night my boyfriend and I were talking... We try and have at least one meaningful conversation a night... And, anyway, he told me that he's noticed that most of my friendships are based on me reaching out to others in need and that he thinks I should have relationships where there's more equal give and take.
Mercifully, the "conversation" ended soon after that and I went home to re-examine my lifestyle, while applicant number 2 probably went to volunteer at a soup kitchen and then poop a bouquet of roses. Needless to say, I received an email the next day thanking me for my time, but that I wasn't quite the right fit for the job.
I had been admiring a certain high-end yoga inspired clothing line for awhile; however, I couldn't justify paying $90 for a pair of black stretchy pants. Then, a few weeks ago, I noticed that they were looking for part-time work, so I decided to apply. I figured between the store discount and other job perks (free classes) that it would be pretty great, as far as 2nd jobs go. I have worked at Dunkin Donuts, a bagel store, the HoneyBaked Ham Company store (for 1 day... that's another blog post), and about 20 English language schools, but never in retail, so I was mildly surprised when I received an email asking if I could come in for a group interview.
I had been wondering how many people would be in the interview, but there was just one other applicant; a woman in flowing scarves, beaded earrings & a canvas tote. At this point, having come dressed from my day job in a pencil skirt and blouse, I knew I was in trouble.
The store manager took us to a quiet part of the mall and explained that she had a list of questions she wanted to ask and that she hoped we would feel like we were simply getting to know each other. In the end, the more I got to know the other applicant, the more I wanted to strangle her with her thrifted scarf. The conversation went pretty much like this...
Manager (turning to me): So, how do you like to stay healthy?
Me: Well, try to walk as much as possible and not eat too much junk. Also, I exercise on a regular basis. Running, yoga, golf... that sort of thing.
2nd Applicant: Oh, well, my family owns an organic farm north of Boston and I spent a lot of time working on the land. It's a lot of sweat and hard work, but I love it! The farm, by the way, is also a CSA, which is just an incredible way to bring people together!
Manager (again, to me. Somehow, I went first every single time): We encourage our employees to set goals for themselves. Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
Me: Hmm, well, hopefully my family is healthy and happy. Possibly my husband and I will have a child or 2...
2nd Applicant: OK, so I am applying for a Fulbright and hope to eventually open a cultural center for disadvantaged Boston youth.
Me: Oh... a Fulbright! That's impressive!
2nd Applicant: How old are you?!
Me: Um, I'll be 30 in July.
2nd Applicant: Well, you're too old to apply for one... but it is an excellent opportunity to do some good in the world.
Manager: What was the last book you read?
Me: The 2nd Harry Potter book... I'm re-reading the series.
2nd Applicant: I just finished reading a book written by one of the first female Buddhist monks. It's incredibly fascinating.
Manager: We hope all of our employees are open to giving and receiving feedback. What was the last feedback you received?
At this point, I decided to go for broke.
Me: During yoga class today, while I was in Cobra, my teacher told me to relax my buttocks.
(beat)
2nd Applicant: Hmmm, well last night my boyfriend and I were talking... We try and have at least one meaningful conversation a night... And, anyway, he told me that he's noticed that most of my friendships are based on me reaching out to others in need and that he thinks I should have relationships where there's more equal give and take.
Mercifully, the "conversation" ended soon after that and I went home to re-examine my lifestyle, while applicant number 2 probably went to volunteer at a soup kitchen and then poop a bouquet of roses. Needless to say, I received an email the next day thanking me for my time, but that I wasn't quite the right fit for the job.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Humidity: Nature's Hair Mousse
Like the Grinch's heart, my hair grew 3 sizes today!
"Don't hate me because I'm beautiful; this is my hair when I wake up in the morning."
Like this look? Recreate it for cheap in 2 easy steps:
1. Style hair as normal, and walk 7 or so city blocks in the damp warm weather.
2. Sit for 10 minutes on a hot crowded bus.
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Let's See What's Behind Door No. 1
Despite the fact that it's supposed to in the low 90's today, I wanted a light jacket to bring into the office in case the AC was cranked up to arctic levels. So, I walk over to the hall closet...
Open the door...
and...
ARGH! Closet fail.
Once I dropped an entire bottle of olive oil on the floor. The immediate realization that it was going to be a major pain in the rear end to clean up was so depressing that I left the mess as it was for about an hour, just to regain my composure (although secretly hoping it would somehow take care of itself.) In this case, I'm leaving tomorrow morning for Florida with my mom and I'm hoping that the coats, fleeces & parkas will have resumed their normal hanging positions by the time I have returned on Sunday.
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Tagged by the Clothing Protection Foundation
I kept feeling something scratchy on the right side of my ribcage this morning. Turns out it was one of those "remove before wearing tags" that I never do. 
When I turned to my right to perform the tag-ectomy, I noticed that my dry cleaning tag was also still firmly stapled to my back belt loop. So, I cut off the tag on my sweater and stood up to get a better grasp on my dry cleaning tag. Having now successfully removed a tag from both my sweater and my pants, I noticed my fly was down.
I should just rip the seat of my pants open now and get it over with.
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
777 is the New 666
Obviously, yesterday was not a good news day. So, in an effort to pitch in and raise spirits, I decided to display the Herald's back cover on the serials' shelf...
Go Sox!
(Both photos from BostonHerald.com)
Go Sox!Instead of the front...
(Both photos from BostonHerald.com)
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