This photo had me scratching my head for days... and then I realized...

Jo Calderone is really

Lady Gaga paying tribute to Joyce Heyser's

Terry Griffith's male alter-ego

Terry Griffith from the beloved 80's movie, Just One of the Guys.

I feel so much better now.

You Such a Dirty Bad Girl... Beep Beep! uh, uh!

There's an ad on Craigslist announcing Bunim-Murray Productions, creators of MTV’s The Real World is casting for the reality show that "brings seven self-proclaimed 'bad girls' together in a beautiful mansion." 

Fame and fortune, here I come!  Please accept my submission for the Bad Girls Club below:

A brief BIO telling us what makes you a “Bad Girl”

Oh man, where do I start?  Well, for starters, I can par-tay.  Nick and I were at a wedding this past weekend, and I burned up the dance floor to "the Twist" "Let's Twist Again" and "I Saw Her Standing There."  And despite the fact that my dogs were barking, I even tried to learn the Dougie (in heels!) 

Currently I am wearing black socks, even though my pants are navy blue.  I've also been known to wear white after Labor Day.  (Shut up, right?!)

I'm a librarian, but my bookshelf is arranged by binding color.

If I fart in a public place, I look around as if searching for someone else to blame.

Despite the fact that it's indisputably the most important meal of the day, occasionally I'll skip breakfast.

Attach several photos
 

My humor isn't for the weak at heart



I am clearly wearing Bling

 

Not afraid to ruin an otherwise great photo



Former saxophone player.  The flute was just too "safe" for me.



Bad-ass ride. 


In sum, I think I would make an excellent addition to The Bad Girls Club.  MTV HMU!  (That's Hit Me Up for those of you not up on your street slang.)

I'd Really Be Worried If I Had Found Discarded Black Knee Socks...

These items were strewn across our neighbor's doormat at 7:00 AM this morning...

Dollar bill, Blackberry, Parliaments... oh my!

One flight down, I catch these bad boys in the stairwell

Looks like her Grandfather had a wild night!

Microsoft's Red Pen Ran Out of Ink

This is a new one!

When You Hear the Word 'Heiny'

Do you think of the color green, or a rear end?

I have to go with the latter; however, the folks at JanSport disagree.

My company is putting together back-to-school supplies for The Home for Little Wanderers, and associates can help by purchasing specific items requested by The Home. My request slip asks that I purchase a green JanSport backpack. I figured a green backpack would be simple enough, but this request is proving more difficult than I thought.

I expected JanSport to offer packs in the ROYGBIV variety, with a couple of "rose" and "turquoise" colors thrown in for good measure. I didn't expect a list that included Blue Paisley Skull and Fiji Orange, but not green. There's not even a hunter green or an emerald. The closest I can find is something called heiny.

heh... heh... you said, Heiny...

Not to make a stink, but isn't heiny a polite word for butt? And if heiny were a color, I'd at least expect it to resemble something that could be a skin tone that wasn't found on Mars.

Should I buy this pack? I think it might be too green, but I'm having trouble locating a more subtle shade of the JanSport variety.

This is one tough case to crack.

Lulu, little Lulu, With Freckles on Her Chin

When it comes to workout gear, I tend to look at the Macy's sales rack, Target, and Sierra Trading Post's Bargain Barn. I hate paying full price for workout clothing, except for footwear. Never skimp on running shoes or hiking boots; there, you've been warned. The problem is that I love to shop for workout clothing, and now that I've been attending yoga classes 3-4 times a week I have been exposed to a new wonderful world of colorful and comfortable athletic attire.

I had been admiring a certain high-end yoga inspired clothing line for awhile; however, I couldn't justify paying $90 for a pair of black stretchy pants. Then, a few weeks ago, I noticed that they were looking for part-time work, so I decided to apply. I figured between the store discount and other job perks (free classes) that it would be pretty great, as far as 2nd jobs go. I have worked at Dunkin Donuts, a bagel store, the HoneyBaked Ham Company store (for 1 day... that's another blog post), and about 20 English language schools, but never in retail, so I was mildly surprised when I received an email asking if I could come in for a group interview.

I had been wondering how many people would be in the interview, but there was just one other applicant; a woman in flowing scarves, beaded earrings & a canvas tote. At this point, having come dressed from my day job in a pencil skirt and blouse, I knew I was in trouble.

The store manager took us to a quiet part of the mall and explained that she had a list of questions she wanted to ask and that she hoped we would feel like we were simply getting to know each other. In the end, the more I got to know the other applicant, the more I wanted to strangle her with her thrifted scarf. The conversation went pretty much like this...

Manager (turning to me): So, how do you like to stay healthy?
Me: Well, try to walk as much as possible and not eat too much junk. Also, I exercise on a regular basis. Running, yoga, golf... that sort of thing.
2nd Applicant: Oh, well, my family owns an organic farm north of Boston and I spent a lot of time working on the land. It's a lot of sweat and hard work, but I love it! The farm, by the way, is also a CSA, which is just an incredible way to bring people together!

Manager (again, to me. Somehow, I went first every single time): We encourage our employees to set goals for themselves. Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
Me: Hmm, well, hopefully my family is healthy and happy. Possibly my husband and I will have a child or 2...
2nd Applicant: OK, so I am applying for a Fulbright and hope to eventually open a cultural center for disadvantaged Boston youth.
Me: Oh... a Fulbright! That's impressive!
2nd Applicant: How old are you?!
Me: Um, I'll be 30 in July.
2nd Applicant: Well, you're too old to apply for one... but it is an excellent opportunity to do some good in the world.

Manager: What was the last book you read?
Me: The 2nd Harry Potter book... I'm re-reading the series.
2nd Applicant: I just finished reading a book written by one of the first female Buddhist monks. It's incredibly fascinating.

Manager: We hope all of our employees are open to giving and receiving feedback. What was the last feedback you received?
At this point, I decided to go for broke.
Me: During yoga class today, while I was in Cobra, my teacher told me to relax my buttocks.
(beat)
2nd Applicant: Hmmm, well last night my boyfriend and I were talking... We try and have at least one meaningful conversation a night... And, anyway, he told me that he's noticed that most of my friendships are based on me reaching out to others in need and that he thinks I should have relationships where there's more equal give and take.

Mercifully, the "conversation" ended soon after that and I went home to re-examine my lifestyle, while applicant number 2 probably went to volunteer at a soup kitchen and then poop a bouquet of roses. Needless to say, I received an email the next day thanking me for my time, but that I wasn't quite the right fit for the job.

You Can Chew It

So you know those Snickers ads that are all over the city's billboards, buses, etc? Apparently there's a site where you can make translate your name to, "Snacklish."

Alicia in Snacklish sounds slighlty gross...

Nick didn't do too much better.

Dwayne's is the catchiest, I think...

And there you have it! Another time waster.

Brown Bag Economics

Back in December, I wrote about how my New Year's Resolution was to bring my lunch at least 3 days a week. I'm happy to report that I've successfully kept that resolution since then. Usually I make our lunches at night while I'm making dinner and waiting for other things to cook; otherwise, I'm less inclined to put something together in the morning before I leave for work. Also, the lunches are nothing to write home about; usually, I have PB&J or leftovers, like today.

Leftover linguine

Hopefully I'll stay diligent through the summer months... I think I get lazier when I'm not training for the marathon.

Shrinky Dink

This afternoon, I went to put my shoes back on to go to yoga (I take off my shoes at my desk), and I noticed that my socks were the same, yet different. When pulled as high as they could go, the right sock reached mid-calf, but the left sock only reached a bit above my ankle.

Pants have been rolled up to my knees to document the dramatic difference!

How I didn't notice this this morning when I was getting dressed, I don't know. What further confounds me though is how the dryer shrank one sock to a mere shadow of it's former self, while the other remained intact. Several of Nick's t-shirts would now be snug on an 8 year old, so I do have a history of leaving things in the dryer too long, but now I've done it to myself!

This photo reminds me of the time I purchased a 3 pack of "slightly defective" Puma ankle socks at Marshall's for $2.99. I figured "slightly defective" meant that there was a missing thread or something, but when I opened the package at home, there were only 5 out of 6 advertised socks...

Happy Square Root Day

Today is Square Root Day. I think it would be more fun if it were Square Dance Root Day, which would have been a fun "Mathnet" episode. Something like...

Turn your partner round and round, promenade left and don't fall down!

Take the month & the day, my dear, now multiple together and you've got the year!

"The story you're about to see is a fib, but it's short. The names are made up but the problems are real."

Yeehaw!

Ohhhh... Fuuuudddddggge (Only I Didn't Say 'Fudge')

On Saturday, after my FitCorp run, Nick and I went to the Natick Mall area to kill some time before going to see "Taken." We had lunch at Boloco and then wandered into the Container Store. There's something about all the nifty boxes, crates, and storage chests that are very therapeutic to look at; however, I realize the store is pretty much a rip off and that I don't need hanging spice racks or dividers for my sock drawer. It's definitely fun to imagine having the time, money and space to be that organized though.

I had almost made it out the store without a purchase when I saw a special little travel container for cereal and milk. While I've been making an effort to bring my lunch 3 days/week, it's unusual if I don't pack oatmeal or a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for breakfast. I've always thought cereal would be a nice option, but there was the problem of having a supply of milk on hand. I could keep a carton in the work fridge, but for reasons I won't go into, that seemed more trouble than it was worth.

Yesterday morning, I took a photo of the container to share on my blog; I was so happy with my $6.00 purchase.

Ta-dah!

When I arrived at work this morning, I stuck my resuable lunch bag (which held my cereal & milk container) in the fridge while I put the newspapers away and checked my email. My lunchbag had been sitting on top of my gym clothes in my backpack, and when I reached into the backpack to grab a hair tie my clothes were sopping wet. The seal on the milk container leaked and soaked through my tee shirt and pants. I am hoping the clothes will dry before noon...

Shoebox + fan = sad drying rack

They've started to dry, but are rather crusty. Container Store, 1. Alicia, 0.

Performance Anxiety

A discussion on Universal Hub reminded me of the time I was called in for drug testing in college. All NCAA athletes could be randomly selected at any time to submit to a drug test. This was a terrifying prospect to me not because I did drugs, but because the test consisted of peeing in front of someone else. In the past, student athletes had been caught with bags of someone else's "clean" urine (ew), so thanks to those pioneering efforts to fake out the testers all selected athletes had to drop their pants (outer and under) to their ankles and produce a sample under a tester's watchful eyes.
On the test date, you were advised to go first thing in the morning and strongly advised not to go to the bathroom prior to the test because if you weren't able to go during the first try, you had to remain on premises until you were able to give a sample. I rushed over first thing in the morning and was ushered into the bathroom with the tester. All of a sudden, I felt a rush of sympathy for this woman and as I sat on the toilet. I tried to make conversation.

"So, hope I can do this with you watching..." She nodded. A few seconds passed and I couldn't get anything going, so I tried to break the ice with a little humor.

"Who'd you piss off to get this job? Get it? Ha, ha, ha.... haaaa...ehhhh." The woman didn't crack a smile, which just reinforced the fact that I was sitting on a toilet with my pants around my ankles and she was waiting for me to pee so we could both get the hell out of there. After another minute or so, it became clear that I wasn't going to be able to get the job done on the first try and I was sent to the waiting room. I drank a paper cup of water from the cooler, but was warned not to drink too much as an unreadable sample was counted as testing positive. Half an hour later, we both went back in and with my new strategy (closing my eyes) I was able to get the job done. A most humbling experience.

Also, please remember! The next 4 people to donate at least $25 will receive a freshly baked batch of my famous oatmeal Craisin cookies. What are you waiting for? Donate via this link and I'll hook you up.

More on my Favorite Subject... Me.

I've been tagged many times on Facebook to write 25 Random Things about myself. I held out on participating for awhile, but gave in while eating my lunch today. I cheated a little though, since I'm posting to Blogger and not Facebook...

1. As soon as I saw my husband walk through the restaurant's door on our first date, I knew we'd get married.
2. We met on Match.com.
3. No, we're not in a commercial.
4. People accuse me of being nosy, and I am; however, I am an excellent sleuth and have complete confidence in my research abilities.
5. I used to drink a lot of Coke in college, but wanted to cut down on my sugar intake. I switched to Polar Seltzer & am completely addicted. I drink 2-3 cans a day.
6. I allow myself one coffee (medium iced hazelnut with skim, no sugar from Dunkin Donuts) per day.
7. I am the moron you see holding an iced coffee on my walk to work in -10 degree weather.
8. I make half a box of spaghetti for myself and finish it. I don't believe that 1 box is supposed to feed more than 2 people...
9. I prefer salty to sweet.
10. I only eat hot dogs at ball parks. They taste better there.
11. I don't understand people who don't make at least a small effort to stay physically fit.
12. When my husband & I have a house someday, I want to have floor to ceiling bookcases in at least one of the rooms.
13. I can recite Spaceballs & Pee-Wee's Big Adventure word-for-word with the characters.
14. I regret not spending a semester abroad, and tell anyone who will listen that they should not make the same mistake I did.
15. The Dunkin Donuts I go to in the mornings plays the best music. I imagine the customers and staff breaking out into elaborately choreographed numbers when a particularly good song comes on. Especially when "Like a Prayer" is on.
16. I love writing song lyrics and jingles.
17. I torture my husband by singing them non-stop. He's especially tortured by a song I wrote dedicated to my love of sandwiches.
18. I am a terrible singer and dancer.
19. I love to sing and dance.
20. But usually it's when I'm cleaning the house or cooking and can't embarrass myself.
21. I will always sing karaoke though. (And embarrass myself.)
22. I love my family.
23. You aren't supposed to like your in-laws, but I love them and wished they lived closer.
24. I love my friends.
25. I am raising money for Mass Eye & Ear. If everyone who reads this donates a dollar, I'll have a couple hundred bucks! Please donate $1! You can do so here: www.firstgiving.com/got2trotlibrarian

A Nana is a Grandma is a Bubbe

Family friends used to refer to their mother's parents as Hee Hee (aka Grandma) and Chugga Chugga (aka Grandpa). Hee Hee got her name because that was the sound she made when she laughed, while Chugga Chugga was really into trains (as in, Chugga chugga chugga chugga choo chooo!) This article discusses how baby boomers increasingly don't want to be called Grandma or Grandpa because they associate the titles with being old and boring. The article states one woman wants to go by Glamma (a glamorous Grandma, get it?), while another woman wants to be called, Coco. The funniest part of the article though mentions:

Steven, a 58-year-old doctor, said he didn't want a typical grandfatherly name, either, because "I still feel like I am 25." So he chose to go by "Papa Doc." He was going for a Marcus Welby, M.D. vibe -- after the mellow, graying doctor in a popular television series in the late '60s and early '70s -- but unfortunately the name reminds most people of the late Haitian dictator, François "Papa Doc" Duvalier.

Growing up, I called my mom's mom "Nana" and her dad "Grandpa." My dad's mom went by "Grandma." My nephews call my in-laws "Grammy" and "Grandpa." I like these titles; they're familiar and no one is confused by whom you're talking about exactly. Coco could be your family's Labrador or a French exchange student. These new age titles are ridiculous; calling yourself Glamma doesn't negate the fact that you are old enough to be a grandmother.

What did you call your grandparents?

Lunch Grade School Style

I don't typically tend to make New Year's Resolutions; however, this year I've decided that I'm going to try my best to bring my lunch at least 3 times a week to work. I usually spend between $6-$8 on my lunches, so saving $18-$24 each week is a good savings. Plus, lunches brought in from home are definitely healthier than something I'd pick up from a sandwich place.

Starting my resolution a little ahead of schedule, this week I managed to bring my lunch in 4 times! (This is quite possibly a record for me, not counting the time I made way too much American Chop Suey and ate it for like 8 days in a row.)

Let's hope my New Year's Resolution lasts until January 1!

My culinary masterpiece: PB&J, apple, & brownie.

Looking Back on 2008: My Version of the Holiday Letter

It's the little things in life that make it interesting. Instead of detailing the wonderful, life-changing events that occurred during the year (you'll get plenty of that in your 3rd cousin's "A Great 2008 with the Smith's" holiday letter), here are some of my smaller, yet memorable 2008 moments:

• Taught my mom how to text. Her first attempts read like the original Beowulf manuscript (thanks to T9); however, now she's a pro.
• Tried durian.
• Joined Netflix, which admittedly isn't much of a milestone; however, that did force me to learn how to use the Playstation 3 (which I never touch, unless it's to dust) to watch a blu ray disc.
• Used the expression "oh, snap!" correctly.
• Getting flashed by a pedestrian on West Broadway.
• Flashing a pedestrian on Arch St.
• Thankfully, never once going to the Natick Collection

What a great year!

A Tight Squeeze

I was drying my hair at the gym this morning, and out of the corner of my eye, I see the woman next to me wave down another lady who started to walk by her.

The lady stops and says, "So I went to Citysports to buy some running clothes."

"That's great! What did you buy?" the woman next to me said.

"Well, nothing yet..." She paused and asked, "I was wondering... How tight should the clothing be?"

"Uh, you know, just go with whatever feels good."

"Well," she continued, "I wasn't sure what size to get. I was going back and forth between a medium and..." (Now at this point I was certain the other choice had to be large) "or a small."

"Definitely medium," the woman next to me said; a little too quickly for the other lady's preference. Secretly I was delighted at the turn the conversation took and eagerly awaited the response.

The woman's lips drew to form a very thin line and she hummed a bit, before saying, "You know, I think I'll ask my trainer. You know, someone more qualified." She walked away and I looked at the lady next to me and we burst out laughing.

Which of these Statements is False?

Sushi2 tagged me to list 6 details about myself. Since I have done this type of meme before, I will list 5 true details and 1 false detail. Which one do you think is false? (I'm not going to tag anyone; however, consider yourself tagged if you'd like to participate!)

1. On a dare, I once tried to drink a gallon of milk in 1 hour.

2. I made up a dance routine to Weird Al's "Fat."

3. Other girls play house or school. I used to make my friend play "Immigrant," which consisted of me talking in an Italian accent and her in a Polish one. We were just trying to make it in a new land.

4. I won a limbo contest at a middle school dance.

5. In elementary school, my friend, our younger brothers and I made up a musical about a mentally handicapped girl that wanted to show her classmates that it was OK to be different. It was on roller skates.

6. I had a guinea pig named Frabrizio for 2 weeks- until my mom returned him to the pet store while I was at school one day. I also had a hamster named Otto that my mom gave to a man collecting items for a tag sale when I was away for a weekend.

Pumpkin Up the Jam

As you can see, things aren't too lively around here...

Boring, uninspired desk...

So, after careful consideration, I decided to add some seasonal cheer...

Things are rockin' now!

You have died of dysentery.

The Oregon Trail was my favorite elementary school computer game, but I also loved Number Munchers, Facemaker and PC Man (which was like Pac Man, only much more primitive.) Much to my delight, there's a pretty awesome version of the Oregon Trail on ThuleRoadTrip.com. There are fun updates, but the look and feel is the same. You can name your passengers, choose your vehicle, decide how many bags of food to buy, etc. The best part is that you can still hunt for food.

Not sure how Thule knows my husband so well...